An open letter to the Husbands of the world:

Dear Husbands,

If your wife suggests going for a walk after dinner for some ‘together time’, and to get in some exercise, and you agree… well, that is considered super-supportive, and she will appreciate you for taking the time.  I can certainly recommend that.

If your wife proceeds to walk at breakneck speed in order to avoid crazy-scary, West Nile mosquitoes, and you manage to keep up with her short little legs, she should be verbally commended for keeping your heartrate up, while protecting you from a dread disease.  That is considered encouraging, and I can completely get behind that.

If she does not want to carry the water bottle, but still wants to drink from it, you should definitely just smile and hand it over at every 5 minute interval, when she is parched from the insane power-walking session.  That  is considered helpful, and she will be forever grateful that you are concerned about her level of hydration.  I would call that a ‘go-to plan’.

And if after mentioning that even though she knows INTELLECTUALY that the bats swooping around under the streetlights are HELPFUL to the environment, that she is still secretly creeped out just a little? 

Well, I do NOT recommend immediately flapping your hand in the hair on the back of her head.  That is considered infantile, and she will probably scream loudly and you will end up having to jog after her as she runs home in the dark.

I just thought you should know.

Conversation Killers

1.        A conversation that I was not prepared to have:

My son mentioned at dinner tonight that he was so hopeful that I would have another baby.  I, in turn, let him know that that was not going to happen. 

Trust me, we’ve had this conversation before (in terms of:  ‘our family is finished’, etc., etc.), but  tonight he said that even though we’ve told him that, he has always really hoped and prayed that God would surprise us with another baby.  At this point, in order to save him from further disappointment, I finally just had to tell him that the doctors had ‘fixed it’ so that Mommy & Daddy wouldn’t have babies anymore.  And then I held my breath, ready for the QUESTIONS. 

He seemed pretty bummed, but recovered quickly. 

“So can we get a dog??” 

2.       A conversation my oldest child was not prepared to have: 

When a kid asked her in front of God and everybody...

 “So, do you have periods?” 

Um… wow. 

My poor kid looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights, and then back to the younger girl, and then back to me, completely tongue-tied.

  At which point, the little girl said... “You know, now that you’re in middle school, do you have,  like, Math for first period?” 

;)

Top 5 Reasons I'm BACK! (jazz hands here...)

I thought that it might be time to get back to the old blog when I realized a few things:

1.  It has officially been more than two months since I have visited Planet Linson.  I used to love this place, but the dust is about an inch thick around here. 
Which makes Planet Linson (the virtual location) almost EXACTLY like Planet Linson, the actual location.



2.  I forgot my password.  And the answer to my security question.  So help me, I could not remember my first pet's maiden name or the street on which he lived.




3.  I have a daily conversation with my fourth-graders about the importance of writing, and how vital it is, and how it is not just a 7:45 to 2:45 skill, and why at least a few times a week, I expect them to do a 'Night Write'. 

And I totally got sick of feeling like a hypocrite. 




4.  That I just updated my weekly TeacherWeb, and it was longer than any normal human parent will actually read.  I should put something at the end that is a test, like... "If you have read this far, you have just won a fabulous prize!" 

Only then, I'd have to actually think of and provide some sort of semi-fabulous prize, and these days,  I'm all like, "Did I forget to bring a lunch?  Why, yes, I did.  Again."



5.  I've missed having this creative outlet.  As busy as my 'new normal' is, I still love to hear friends comment on how much they like reading my blog (and how they've missed it.  Thanks for not giving up on me ;)






---- Oh, and if you've read this far, you win a prize.

To claim it, meet me at my classroom tomorrow.  And please bring me my lunch.

Add it to the library list...

Do you ever have one of those moments when you just feel like you’ve failed as a parent?  Well, if not, then just shut up because I don’t think I want you as my friend.  Because I seriously have one of those ‘moments’ at least a couple of times a day.  

Like that time when I forgot to buy milk?  For 3 straight days?  Here kids, have another Flintstone vitamin.

Other times, it is that moment when your kid points directly at someone, and says, “Oh, look! Hoboes!” 

Now, I know what you’re thinking... how politically incorrect of my seven year old.  The term ‘homeless’ is acceptable.   Yes.  ‘Down on their luck’… um, okay.  But ‘hoboes’?? 

Strangely enough, though, she was pointing at a pair of teenage boys in Target, who, while having some seriously scruffy hair, didn’t have anything else about them that looked even slightly ‘hobo-ish’. 

But then I happened to notice that one of them had a picture of a cartoon tiger on his t-shirt.

You know… the one from that famous comic strip, ‘Calvin and Hoboes’?

'Shout' can't touch it...

My boy has been at Cub Scout camp all week, which has left me with the two girls, a relatively clean house, and some quiet afternoons. Because boys are messy and LOUD, yo.




I keep threatening to clean his room myself, but I just can’t bring myself to venture in there. I’m a little afraid, to be perfectly honest. This does not bode well for the teen years.



One thing you must know about Scout camp is that they are given a camp t-shirt to wear each day. And when I say that, what I mean to say is that they are given ONE shirt that they must wear for the entire week, which means that every afternoon, we run a quick load of laundry so that the shirt can be washed clean of sunscreen, nose-wipes, snack goo, and 10 year old boy STINK.



Along with the shirt, he has also received a ‘standard-issue’ kerchief for his particular den, which designates their den’s color, so they can be spotted at 20 paces. It also goes in the wash each afternoon, along with the swim trunks he wears each day, so that he can play water games and not be sopping around in wet khaki shorts. Chafe, much?



But yesterday morning, when I went to spray sunscreen on his legs before dropping him off at camp (at 7:45, no less), I spied his socks.



His brown socks.






No biggie, right?

Expect that they USED to be white. Like 4 days ago. When he first started wearing them to camp.



Me: “Davis, why are your socks so filthy?!”






Him: “Well, you said I would be wearing the same thing everyday to camp.”



He’s going to be a delightful teen.

Getting a weight off my chest...

Some of you may know that I am a leader for meetings for a particular company.  No names mentioned, but it’s one of the leaders in the weight loss industry.  I love it, I feel passionate about it, and I truly want to help other people get on-board and feeling good about themselves.  (and commercial ends ;)

So I was super-pumped to add a new meeting to my rotation, especially since it is practically in my backyard, and it would mean not having to leave so early to rush to get there.  Until I arrived and discovered that none of the members that attend this meeting knew that their regular leader had left.  I was stepping into a situation where no one was even aware that there was a gap. 

Awkward.  Because peeps be loyal to their leaders, yo. (Proving that I am *just* that whack.)

Anyway, the acceptable ‘company line’ for a situation such as this is: 

  “Frieda is no longer with the company.”

Turns out, though, when you are nervous, and unsure as to how you, personally, will be received upon delivery of this news… well, it can come out a lot like this:

“Frieda is no longer with us.”

(Absorbing the look of shock on member’s face.)

“I know, I know.  It was unexpected.”

And when you notice the look of horror, it is perfectly acceptable to say, “Omigod!!  I mean, she’s ALIVE and everything!”  Nope, not weird at all.

It just becomes really awkward when you get a case of the nervous giggles while you are saying it.

I wish I could say this happened only once.

I’m FAIRLY certain that no one left thinking that their former leader had gone on to that big meeting in the sky.  But now that I think about it, I *did* tell a few people that while I would do my very best, and they would grow to LOVE me, that it was perfectly okay to be sad and miss Frieda.

Hmmm.  Could get really, really awkward next week.

Three for Thursday

1. I guess I should have posted yesterday’s blog sooner.

I’d written it a couple of days ago, after our less than delightful drive back from the coast, and just gotten around to posting it yesterday. At which point they called from the dealership to tell me my MINI-VAN was READY! So, yay.

I didn’t have the chance to clean the loaner car up much, but as I was taking the booster seats out of the back, I did let the tech know, “Um, you may want to just run a quick vacuum back there. Or give it a complete detailing and overhaul. Whatevs.”


2. Thanks to everyone that had my back with the ‘meat-rinsing’ issue.

I *knew* I wasn’t the only person that found that crazy, and slightly disgusting. To my husband’s credit, though, he DID get a chuckle out of reading all the comments on Facebook.

And I now know that I should defer to my FB friends for any and all marriage counseling, and those times when I’d like to feel self-righteously vindicated. Y’all don’t let me down, mmmkay?


3. I remember now that daily writing is much like exercise.

When I actually make the time for it, I feel really great and remember how much I love it… but it’s easy to let it become low on the priority list when life gets busy.

And just like I need an exercise buddy to drag me along sometimes, your little notes & comments help pull me up and remind me that this is an important part of my mental health :)

So, thanks. Oh, and if anybody would like to chime in on putting oil versus salt in boiling water to cook pasta, that would be a huge help. ;)