Monday, March 28, 2011

Deadly Cobra... and I'm not talking about insurance.

Well, I’m sure you’ve heard by now about the deadly Egyptian cobra that has gone missing from the Bronx zoo.

And even though I live 1744.32 miles away from the Bronx Zoo (Google Maps don’t lie, people), I still have the heebie-jeebies.

Don’t know much about the Egyptian cobra? Um, what ELSE do you need to know besides the word ‘cobra’?? Well this was in the article on CNN: ‘The Egyptian cobra is most commonly found in North Africa. Its venom is so deadly, it can kill a full-grown elephant in three hours -- or a person in about 15 minutes, according to wildlife experts. The venom destroys nerve tissue and causes paralysis and death due to respiratory failure.’

I feel paralyzed and short of breath just thinking about it.

I mean, seriously??! And guess what? They didn’t even close the Bronx zoo until they found the thing. They closed the reptile house until further notice, but according to the article, “Zoo officials said they are confident the 20-inch-long snake is contained in a nonpublic, isolated area of the building.”

You would have to be pretty damn ‘confident’ in order to get me anywhere near that zoo until the snake is captured.

I don’t know if it’s completely apparent, but I have an aversion to snakes. But at least this time I have an excuse (other than that I’m just crazy)…

When we were in college, Phil was living with some of his fraternity brothers in a house on West Campus. A couple of the guys had snakes (what was up with that??) that they kept in glass cages/ enclosure things. When it was ‘feeding time’, they would put them on the floor and feed them dead rats, and it was quite the show. We’d all gather around and watch. Well, one of the snakes? It got lost. And when I say ‘lost’, I mean… IT GOT OUT OF ITS ENCLOSURE! So, um hello?? It happens.

Anyway, it went AWOL. The missing snake was named Angus, and we all mourned his apparent passing/ escape.

Several months went by, and shortly before Phil was scheduled to move out, we were heading out to dinner. He’d had to work in the afternoon, so he decided to take a quick shower before we went out. You see where this is going, right?

So he hopped in the shower, and I heard him yell…

…for me to grab a towel for him out of the hall closet.

Mmhmm. NOW you see where this is going…

I opened the closet door, grabbed a towel off of the middle shelf, and sitting at the back of the same shelf, within arm’s reach, was… Angus. (of course. You saw that coming, right? Yeah, I didn’t.)

We all rejoiced at his return. And when I say ‘rejoiced’, I mean to say, I screamed as loudly as I could, slammed the closet door, and ran to stand on a desk chair in the middle of Phil’s room until the snake could be captured. I’m pretty sure I kept screaming. And I’m pretty sure someone else got Phil the towel he needed.

It was bound to happen I guess. If the staff at a professional zoo can’t keep a cobra from escaping, what are the odds that a bunch of drunken frat boys can keep their snakes in their cages? (Oh, let’s not even GO there. ;)

So trust me when I say that there is a good likelihood that I will never again step foot inside of a reptile habitat at any zoo. Mostly because I have always suspected that it could happen, and this absolutely confirms it beyond a shadow of a doubt. A snake can and DID escape. Who knows how often this happens?? All those empty cases that you see when you go to the zoo’s reptile house that are labeled with the little signs… “EXHIBIT CLOSED WHILE WE AWAIT OUR NEW ARRIVAL”…

or “THIS EXHIBIT IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION” might as well just say,


Or better yet…


Saturday, March 26, 2011

Six For Saturday!!

1. Six?? It’s the least I can do. I feel like I owe you guys for my absence this last month. There has been a gaping void felt around the entire blogging community, and it’s all my fault.

Well, maybe I’m overstating it a bit.

2. This morning for breakfast, Davis ate a piece of leftover stuffed pizza, three pancakes with butter and syrup, three pieces of bacon, a fried egg, and a glass of milk.

I just thought that was interesting. And indigestion-worthy. If he's eating like this at 8 years old, I can't even fathom our grocery bill when he hits his teenage years.

3. This week, Josie got contacts. A few things to keep in mind…

--a.) She has worn glasses for three years now, and has never ONCE complained about them.

--b.) She looks adorable in her glasses… and

--c.) The contacts were a necessity just to be worn for twirling practice and performances, as it is next to impossible to do two-turns with glasses perched on your nose.

Anyway, after wearing them for a day, she made the announcement that she LOVES them, and plans to wear them all the time, in lieu of glasses. The optometrist recommended that she should wear them for short amounts of time at first, as she gets used to them. I let her wear them to school yesterday with the stipulation that I would come up at lunchtime so she could take them out, and put her glasses on.

So when I got to school around noon, I was greeted with this…

Josie: “Moooom! Why do I have to take them off?? I’m supposed to put my *glasses* back on now??”

(Remember… NEVER has she complained about wearing glasses. In two days, they have become equivalent to getting a root canal, or wearing an “I Love Barney” t-shirt to a junior high dance.)

Me: “Just for the afternoon. Starting next week, you can wear them all day at school, since you’ll be more used to them.”

Josie: “But all my friends haven’t seen me in my contacts yet! What if they want to see how I look in my contacts?!”

Me: “Um… I guess you could take your glasses off for a minute to show them? ‘Hey friends, THIS is how I look in contacts’!”

Josie: “So not funny.”

4. I have lost 18 pounds on Weight Watchers so far (yay me!) As a result, I am TOTALLY ready for swimsuit season to be upon us!

Well, maybe I’m overstating it a bit. ;)

5. As you know from my previous posts, March was not a great month on Planet Linson. To make up for the 18 pound weight loss, I guess, I needed another weight added to me… which came in the form of Phil coming home from work and announcing that his company was going through an internal purchase, and that in light of that, he would be looking for a new job, effective at the end of the month (this is the redacted, PC version.)

“*Gasp! What?? Oh my God!” Yeah. Tell me about it.

So this month, in lieu of blogging, I’ve been crying. And planning. And slashing our budget. And smiling for the sake of our kids. And praying. A lot.

And thanks be to God, he did get a new job… a better job… a job that we have high hopes for. And I have to admit that I am still crying, and planning, smiling and praying… but in a much better way.

I’m thankful that he was able to get a job so quickly, and had two good offers from which to choose. I know there are so many people going through similar things, who don’t get such good news so quickly. I am truly grateful for so many things. Grateful for our friends and family who have offered their help, their prayers, and just kind words when we needed them. Grateful for my wonderful husband who had such an amazing spirit and sense of calm through all of this.

6. I am now TOTALLY looking forward to April.

And I’m not overstating that one bit. :D

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Little Dolls...

So yesterday was a Girls Day Out. And when I say ‘girls’, I mean all of us… me, my mom, my sis-in-law, our four daughters, and four American Girl dolls.

We made the pilgrimage to the American Girl store in Dallas, and many thanks to Nema (my Momma) for treating our dolls to the salon service of EAR PIERCING!!


The dolls got their ears pierced in the ‘Salon’, and they each got earring sets. This is a far cry from the way I used to pierce MY own dolls’ and Barbies’ ears… with the straight pins from my mother’s pincushion. My own personal voodoo dolls.

But we had a wonderful time, and the girls had a blast picking out a little something for their American Girls, whether it was an outfit (Josie) or a stuffed pet dog (Libby). I tried to steer her toward all the cute clothes, but evidently her doll needed a pet Chocolate Lab puppy more than ANYTHING!

Me: “Look, honey! Here’s a ballet outfit!

Libby: “I want Chocolate Chip.”

Me: "Or a chef’s apron and hat… or a figure skater costume?”

Libby: “Chocolate Chip.”

Me: “Oh, and there’s a Chilean Miner outfit! Hardhat with light optional.”

(Okay, not really. They were sold out of those.)

Libby (at high volume): “There’s nothing else in this store for Libby except Chocolate Chip! Nothin’!”


But after we’d totaled our bills (which were itty-‘Bitty baby’ ~ha!~ bills compared to some of the people around us. Some folks are doing their part to revive the economy in one afternoon at the AG store, evidently), I was still left shaking my head and saying, ‘For doll clothes? Doll clothes?!!’

Which brought out my inner Martha. Oh yes, that b*tch is back, and last night, she was on a tear, in a pink-tinted, ‘We just paid $25 for a sundress for a doll’ haze.

So with pattern in hand, iced tea next to me (hey, it’s not diet Coke!), and my wise and knowledgeable Momma in the room with me to answer my multitude of questions, I made these…

No really, I did. The little dresses, the leggings, and the head scarves. *I* made them… all by myself!

I finished around midnight, fought the urge to wake up my girls so they could see their dolls in their new, ‘custom-made’ (you say ‘homemade’, I say ‘custom’… tomatoes, to-mah-toes) outfits, and sank into a post-creativity coma.

I just had to share with y'all. I just had to brag. I just had to toot my own horn, I guess.

Oh, and I just had to ask… does anyone happen to have a pattern for a Chilean Miner outfit for a doll?

Thanks in advance. ;)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Ode to my beverage of choice...

It’s been two weeks since I looked at you.
Cocked my head to the side, and said, “I love you.”
Five days since Jack beckoned to me saying
"Get that together come back and see me"

Thirteen days since the drive-in lane
I know it’s an addiction… man, what a friggin’ pain.
Yesterday I still wanted you,
and I hope it’s just two days till I feel that I’m over you.

It helps if you sing it like you’re the Barenaked Ladies.

Two weeks since I’ve had a diet Coke. I made it through the first couple of days of horrific caffeine withdrawal. I lasted through the headaches. I survived the crankiness (my family, on the other hand, may have a different song to sing.) I KNOW that I was drinking way too much, and needed to cut it out.

The result??

I STILL want a diet Coke, every damn minute of every day.

I don’t think it’s the caffeine to which I’m addicted. I firmly believe it is the BUBBLES. I want bubbles. I crave BUBBLES. Nothing like that first sip of diet Coke, going down your throat, all cold and bubbly.


This WILL make me a healthier person, right?!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Just check him out...

My boy got glasses.

It was bound to happen. His sister has glasses. Both his parents started wearing glasses in elementary school. We are just a family of poor-sighted individuals.

He looks adorable in them, but if you see him, please don't use the word 'adorable'. He prefers 'handsome', or 'tough'. I, personally, can't get over how much he looks like Louis from the Disney movie, 'Meet the Robinsons'. See exhibit A...

First 'Dash' from the Incredibles, and now this.

Fortunately, he loves his glasses, and he is one of about 5 kids in his class to have them, so it's no biggie these days to have glasses. When I was a kid, I HATED my glasses, and refused to wear them. I would just ask to move closer to the front, and would explain that I had a hard time seeing the board because I was so SHORT. Hey, it worked. I finally got contacts in junior high, and have never worn glasses in public since.

On a a different note, things around here are still kinda crazy, hence the whole 'not blogging for 2 weeks' thing. I don't do 'change', y'all, and I'm struggling with things currently being in limbo, and not knowing what's going to happen. Some people might even have the nerve to call me a 'control freak'. To them, I say...

"Well, DUH!"

I'm trying very hard to put on a happy face, and get back to myself. Thanks all for your sweet thoughts.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Was he hiding his 'do under that famous hat??

I think Libby might have a little crush. She's 'sweet' on a boy named Abe.

That's right. A groovy fellow by the name of Abe Lincoln.

President's Day in kindergarten brought a multitude of coloring sheets, mini-books, and art projects all focused around a few of our forefathers. Namely, Abe.

You may remember her love note from the computer lab...(which I posted on Facebook, but was feeling entirely too lazy to post it twice. So if you're not my friend on Facebook, do you SEE what you miss out on??)

And yet another 'Lincoln-centric' activity:

And what sage advice is our 16th President spouting? (Literally. She got a little 'glue-happy' with this one.)

Is it..."I will never be defeated."?


How about...

"I will never break a law"?

Guess again.

Introducing--- A'bieber'ham Lincoln. ;)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I'm hoping the next couple of weeks are better.

I have never gone this long without updating.

Even when we were on vacation.

Even when I was sick.

Even after I'd had surgery.

And I know people come here for a laugh. Okay, well sometimes they do ;)

And I just can't seem to muster up anything right now. I'm in a funk.

I'll get back to y'all.