I have sparkles on my butt.

Yep, you read that right. I have sparkles on my butt. And it’s not just me… the rest of the family has sparkles on their butts, as well.

Before I tell you anymore, let’s flash back for just a moment to the spring of 1991. Oh, I know… waaaaaay back. I was a freshman at UT, living in the dorm, preparing to go to a spring formal. I can’t remember if it was a Lambda Chi formal (my future hubby’s fraternity) or a Texas Spooks formal, but the theme, if I’m remembering correctly, was ‘Black and White’. I had the perfect dress. I had actually worn it to my junior prom in high school (and if I could ever figure out how to work my scanner again, I’d upload a picture!). It was classic late 80’s with a black velvet top, puff sleeves, and a little flouncy skirt with black velvet dots on the white satin. Super cute. I even wore my hair in a rockin’ side pony tail, curled within an inch of its life. My bangs were high, too, of course. Oh, the 80’s! My mother had made it, as she made ALL of my prom dresses, and I planned on recycling it for the college formal.

About a week before the formal, as a favor to me, Phil took the dress to Jack Brown Cleaners to get it dry-cleaned. The day before the formal, he called me… with terror in his voice. (Keep in mind, we’d only been dating a few months… he had only BEGUN to experience the terror of life with me!) He said, simply… “The cleaners called. The spots fell off your dress.” Whaaaaaaaat?!!

As if turned out, the black velvet spots came off the white satin in the dry cleaning process. Who knew? My mother had made the dress, so it didn’t come with care instructions, and I assumed that having it dry-cleaned would be fine. Now, not only did the spots come off, but the cleaners was angry because the spots had stuck to all the other clothes that were being cleaned at the same time. I was full of righteous indignation, pissed that they had ruined my dress, and I vowed never to darken the doorstep of another Jack Brown Cleaners (which I have not, to this day.) I ended up just borrowing a black dress from a girl that lived on my dorm floor for the formal. It wasn’t nearly as cute, and I had to cinch the back of it with a safety pin, but it would have to do.

Now, I’ve been pissed about that little incident for the last 18 years. That is, until last week. Last week, I washed Josie’s Halloween costume. If you saw the pictures, you know she was Sharpay Evans from High School Musical 2 (she looked adorable!) We had thrown the dress in the ‘dress-up box’ and Libby has taken to wearing it, complete with the golfing glove. Of course, since she’s four years old, she spilled something on it (juice, milk, baloney…who knows?) Not really thinking, I threw the dress in the washing machine. It was covered with little silver sparkle dots…. half of them came off… and GUESS where they went?! That’s right. On everyone else’s clothes.

So, I’m feeling a little more understanding of Jack Brown Cleaners’ dilemma, all those years ago. And I’m hoping that you’re a good enough friend that you’ll tell me when I have sparkles on my backside.