What *I'd* like to know...

Things I know for sure:

1. It sucks getting up at 5:15 in the morning to leave the house and meet a friend to work out.

2. When you leave the house and notice an SUV driving slowly through your neighborhood at the a$$-crack of dawn, you try to pay attention.

3. When the SUV makes a U-turn in the middle of the street, you start to wonder.

4. And when the SUV is driving on the wrong side of the street, you assume that someone must be lost.

5. However, when you see the same SUV, taking the same exact path, driving in the same way, for the 3rd time in two weeks, you start to get suspicious.

Things I have learned:

1. When you call the sheriff’s department to report a suspicious vehicle, they want a license plate number (I actually had one.)

2. When you call the sheriff’s department to report a suspicious vehicle in your neighborhood four hours after the ‘incident’, they will want to know, “Is the vehicle currently in your neighborhood?” (which it wasn’t.)

Things that I don’t know for certain, but that I suspect:

1. Newspaper delivery girls do NOT appreciate having the sheriff’s office called on them.

2. My papers will be ‘delivered’ to the branches of the tree in my front yard for the foreseeable future.