This thing should come with a warning.

I’m sorry. I should have warned you. Yes, about that monkey picture. Isn’t it just the teensiest bit frightening? Maybe even a little horrifying?!

I had to take a picture since my scanner is still not working. And I HAD to take a picture. I’m not sure you would have believed me if I had just told you about this doll. (which by the way, is ‘not a toy. It is a fine collectible to be enjoyed by adult collectors.’)

The flyer came in the mail, mixed in with a bunch of other junk mail. It was in my front seat, and when I turned a corner, it slipped out from the rest of the mail, startling me with its scary little monkey face to the point that I just about had an accident. No WONDER I hate checking the mail so much!

Is that not just the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen? I wouldn’t even want to meet the kind of person that would order ‘Baby Jingles’. (‘Baby Scare the Ever-lovin’ Crap Outta Ya’ is more like it.) Check out that tongue. Who thinks these things up?!

Not only can you order this (from the Ashton-Drake Galleries… ooh, la, la!)… guess what? She’s got a bunch of little ugly monkey friends you can order, too! For only $29.99* each! (*payable in two payments of just $14.99)

And of course each little monkey has their own pair of shoes with tiny bells on them (why, you may be asking? Um… so you can hear them sneaking up on you in the middle of the night?!) and their own special little T-shirt with a delightful saying, like “Mommy’s Little Monkey” (see exhibit A)… of course we can’t forget “Daddy’s Little Monkey” (because Daddy deserves to be freaked out, as well!)… “Go Bananas!” (self-explanatory, I guess.)

…and my personal favorite: “No more jumping on the bed!” Awwww! C’mon, you know the ditty! Sing along…‘Momma called the doctor and the doctor said…’

“Refill Momma’s prescription! She’s got the credit card out to order from the Ashton-Drake Galleries again!”