Don't...look...under...the...bed...

It never fails. Almost every night when Phil and I check on the kids before heading to bed, at least one of them has their legs hanging over the edge of the bed while they’re sleeping.

Clearly my children have not developed a good healthy fear of the monsters under their beds.

Maybe it’s my fault. I have not exposed them to scary movies (unless you count that Space Buddies movie… it is frighteningly bad) Maybe its just the fact that they know they have waaay too much junk under their beds to house a creature larger than one of those cute little ‘Gizmo’ guys from the movie, “Gremlins”. (Phil just informed me that they are called mogwai?! Um, okay.)

But for whatever reason, they have no problem falling asleep, arms and legs all akimbo, half in and half out of bed. It mystifies me. I admit that I will move them back into their beds under the pretense of covering them back up with their blankets.

Seriously, I’m not too proud to tell you that when I wake up in the middle of the night and have to get up, I do not loiter by the side of the bed. I will make a beeline to the bathroom, and waste no time getting back into my cozy bed, quickly swinging my feet up, lest the monsters get any ideas about how tasty my toes might be. And as I’m drifting off to sleep, I certainly don’t dangle any of my extremities over the edge of the bed. No sense tempting the creatures.

I guess it’s too many scary movies from my youth. I know, intellectually, that there is nothing frightening under my bed. And even if there were, Phil’s snoring would scare the bejeezus out of it. ;)

But I also happen to know that I’m not the only adult sufferer of ‘illogical fear of creepy things under the bed’. A good friend told me just a few weeks ago that she, too, gets a little freaked out climbing into bed in the dark, but being an adult, ‘forces’ herself to climb slowly into bed.

My children have no such issues. They do not concern themselves with monsters under the bed. We’ve never had to issue a bottle of ‘monster spray’ to combat scary things under the bed or in their closets. What is 'monster spray'? Well, Family Fun magazine tells you to put scented water in a spray bottle and have your children ‘spray away the boogey man' to calm their fears.

I prefer Binaca myself. Monsters don’t like minty freshness.